THE STRANGE WORLD OF THE LOST AND FOUND

© Andy Turnbull, 2006



A scientist at the University of Gnostophobia has found evidence that the world we know may be only one in a series of parallel universes.

Professor Penelope Prim of the university's School of Home Economics says that's the only possible explanation for the pheonomena she found while studying sockustic abnumeration -- the well known phenomenon that no matter how many socks you put into a washing machine, it is always a different number that comes out.

In each of 300 trials Prim put ten socks into a washing machine. She recovered nine socks from each of 273, and eight from each of 26 trials. In one trial, the washing machine and all the socks disappeared.

In 300 control trials she started with eleven socks each time. She recovered ten socks from each of 139 runs, and twelve socks from each of 161 runs.

In a further 300 tests she sewed ten socks to their mates with carbon-fiber thread tested to withstand more than 5,000 kg of tension. This time she got ten pairs out of each wash, but at least one pair from each test was mis-matched.

One sock had a mate that appeared to be knitted of some kind of flexible metal, several seem to have been made to fit over hooves and one, made of an unknown fiber, seems to have been custom made for a giant three-toed chicken.

Further tests showed that the fiber in this last sock was similar to the fiber used to knit a three-armed sweater found in the laundry of the university hospital. When Prim went to the hospital to inspect the sweater a caretaker told her about the loose change he finds in easy chairs in the staff lounge.

The caretaker collects coins, and he told Prim that 30% of the coins he finds in easy chairs do not appear in any collectors' catalogue. Many have writing that appears to be similar to nordic runes and the heads embossed on them include a gryphon, a dragon and a toad. Several images glow in the dark and one radiates darkness when exposed to light.

And the caretaker had one coin that buzzed.

He kept it in a match box and when Prim inspected it with a magnifying glass, it turned out to be a tiny flying saucer. While she watched a hatch opened, and a tiny octopus-like thing climbed out to look at her.

Unfortunately the window of the laboratory was open and when Prim put the saucer down, a crow flew in and stole it. Several farmers in the area have since reported that their scarecrows have been destroyed by some kind of laser.

Since then Prim has proved that 25% of the keys found in desk drawers fit no known locks and that some are made of materials unknown to earthly science.

A pharmacist in the village of Anklebone, Saskatchewan, reports that 3% of the prescriptions he sees are written in unknown languages. He believes that some of them are brought in by people from Toronto, because they have green skin and they travel by flying saucer.

Further surveys have analyzed the disappearance of remote controls for TV sets. In about 50% of the cases in which the control is never recovered, householders have found strange electronic devices in their place. Three of these devices flew away when experimenters pressed buttons on them, and one dispensed a liquid similar to Champagne.

One of the most interesting devices has never been identified because it, along with three graduate students, disappeared when one of the students pressed a button. Since then one of the students has used email to report that they are now in some place where the sky is music and radios play the colors of the rainbow.

He also reports that farmers in the area sometimes find ball point pens, mis-matched toe-rubbers and umbrellas in the coat hanger fields. The farmers apparently grow coat hangers, which they ship to an unknown destination.

The only logical explanation for the pheonomena, Prim says, is that some objects and even people are able to pass back and forth between parallel universes.

In most cases, she reports, artifacts disappear from the human universe on Tuesdays, and more alien artifacts turn up on Thursdays than on other days of the week. There may be a psychic element to travel between universes, because it has been observed that objects tend to disappear from the human universe more often when we need them, and that they sometimes return when the need for them has passed.

There is also evidence that artifacts are more likely to pass back and forth between universes at specific locations. Prim speculates that the gates between universes are most likely to be found in washing machines, in hall closets and in crevices in very deep arm chairs.

The investigation continues.

end


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